Supposedly, the loudness wars are over. But when I listen to any random Bandcamp release, they're always way louder than than what I'm mixing.
Ideally, we should all be telling listeners "just turn the volume up if it's not loud enough; if I compress it for you so it's loud on your laptop speakers, we'll lose dynamics." In practice, unless your release is classical or ambient, you'll just lose someone checking it out because they can't immediately hear what's going on as well as they can with whatever heavily compressed song they were just listening to.
This just happened to me when I listened to the new Pulse Emitter (which isn't even close to fried to death like a major label release) and then played my own EP. Quiet a.f.