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Well, I guess I was a bit cavalier about upgrading to a new major version of Ubuntu. It was seamless the last three times I did it, and I did this time just because why not.
Well, this time I got stuck during the upgrade, so I rebooted and now it times out when mounting one of the partitions (even though I can see everything on it in recovery mode). Now instead of doing stuff I want to do, I'm waiting for an OS image to download so I can try to install it via USB.